Extract: C*nt by Stewart Home

When I woke at 5am there was a seventeen year-old with maroon hair lying next to me. I wracked my brains but couldn’t remember picking anyone up. I have a sleepwalking problem and I figured this explained the situation. My chat up lines are very good and it seems a shame to waste them on drunken bitches, even when I’m not awake. A girl who’s got tanked up and then wants a shag is not particularly fussy about who she goes home with. Most hoes who’ve drunk ten screwdrivers don’t even realise the bloke doing the pulling is asleep.

Anyhow, the girl was lying there like a beached whale and I figured I might as well do something with my morning glory, so I climbed on top of her. The slag juiced up and I battered away even though she didn’t respond much at first. After a while she opened her eyes and started moaning orgasmically. She was a real screamer, something I’ve always appreciated although it drives the neighbours crazy. They usually end up complaining about how they can’t get any sleep, but I’ve got them down as jealous bastards. There are single middle-aged men above and beneath me, neither of whom ever gets laid.

The teeny bopper’s face was awash with the pleasures of multiple orgasm, so I withdrew. I rolled the girl on to her back and grabbed a tube of KY. Once she was greased up I shoved my cock into her anus and she gave out a little cry of pain as I penetrated her derri?re. Once I was up inside her, she started liking it again. This was virgin territory, no one had arse-fucked the bitch before me and her sphincter muscles gripped my cock like a vice. When I shot my load it was like falling back into fields of rape. I pulled out my plonker and was amused to see a few splashes of shit come with it.

‘Wow, that was amazing,’ the teenager mooned. ‘No one’s ever done that to me before. It was the greatest thing ever. You’re an amazing guy. That’s why I decided to come home with you, it was like you could read my mind. You had your eyes closed as you chatted me up and I could have sworn you were looking right through me.’

I let the girl natter in this fashion as I packed my things. I grabbed the all important bottles of Laphroaig and threw a couple of changes of clothes into a suitcase. My lap-top was already in there. I brushed my teeth and then packed my toilet bag before throwing it in after my threads. Once I’d located my passport everything was done. I checked my watch, there was still time to give the girl’s cunt a good licking before I dressed and then left. I threw my head between her legs and got to it. Within a matter of seconds her screams of pleasure were causing my neighbours to bang on the ceiling and floor. I soon had an erection, so I twisted around and pulled the girl on top of me. I really like oral done 69 style.

I was really chomping on the teeny bopper’s clit and she was treating me pretty roughly too, snarling and taking playful nips at my dick. At least one of the neighbours was now at the front door, hammering away on the knocker. The girl clamped her teeth viciously against the head of my knob and I shot my second wad of the morning. Then I struggled up heroically from the tangled bed sheets and opened the front door.

‘Shouldn’t you cover yourself up?’ my downstairs neighbour asked as he averted his eyes.

‘Do you want a shag or don’t you?’ I demanded.

‘I like girls you know,’ the moron stuttered.

‘I wasn’t offering to fuck you.’ Then turning back into the flat I hollered, ‘Hey doll, come here and have sex with an office drone.’

The babe came out of the bedroom jiggling her tits. The white collar john looked like he was about to throw a fit. I gathered up the girl’s clothes and handed her the gear. She thought it was a great crack to go downstairs and fuck a sex starved pain in the neck. I’d made a friend for life, although the office drone was just a ship in the night to the teenage temptress. Having cleared my decks, I dressed and headed for the train station.

If I hadn’t been drunk I wouldn’t have stayed the night in Lowestoft. At some point during the previous twelve hours I’d lost the keys to Amber’s car and getting to Heathrow Airport by public transport was a serious drag. You have to go all the way to Ipswich in a two carriage train and then change onto the Inter-City service. I sat in the smoking carriage, since this is favoured by all the young girls who travel to Ipswich to pursue college studies. By the time I’d got to Darsham things were looking up, there were some real ravers on the train. I was eyeing all the teenagers and they were loving every minute of it.

‘Do you wanna fuck me?’ an eighteen year old blonde with huge tits asked as the train pulled into Saxmundham station.

‘I sure do.’ I don’t think she was expecting such a forward reply.

‘Go on Sarah, fuck him,’ her friends cheered.

Sarah came over to me. I pulled down her knickers and put my hand up her skirt. At first she was a little shy but before long she was screaming as I fingered her pussy. I took my hand away and began ostentatiously sucking my fingers. The girl’s friends gave me a slow handclap. Sarah was desperate for more genital stimulation so she threw her skirt over my head. I didn’t need a second invitation to get licking. She tasted real sweet. I had my hands over the teenager’s backside and someone prised one of them loose before plunging it into a tube of Vaseline. Since my fingers were greased, I worked them into Sarah’s arse and soon she was bucking above me like an unbroken horse.

Sarah stepped onto the seat and placed her feet either side of my thighs, bent her knees and jammed her delightful cunt into my mouth. I couldn’t see the girl who unzipped my Levis and took my cock out of my pants but she gave excellent head. Anon ran her tongue up and down my length then swallowed it right down into her throat. While I pressed my tongue as deep as it would go into Sarah’s hole, the other girl worked my prick with muscles that I hadn’t even realised were a natural part of a woman’s sexual anatomy. Simultaneously, Anon used her hands to tweak my balls. I was within an inch of an orgasm when another girl intervened.

‘You’ll make him come,’ girl three whined while pulling deep throat off me, ‘and then it will take forever to get the bastard stiff enough to ram himself up my cunt.’

The girl had an annoying voice but it felt good as she guided me into her muff. I didn’t see her drop her knickers, I couldn’t see her at all, but unless she made a habit of going around without underwear, she must have ripped her panties off before we began to fuck. The teenager was doing the riding trot on my lap, so I pulled my fingers out of Sarah’s arse and shoved them into her mouth. From the way she squealed and sucked on my digits, I could tell this really turned her on. Moments later my cock was bathed with her sex juice and I shot my wad as she came. The girl got up and I guess she must have adjusted her clothing because I never worked out which of the bitches had fucked me.

Sarah was bellowing obscenities and she just didn’t want me to stop licking her cunt, so I did the do all the way to Ipswich. After we got off the train and I was sitting waiting for the connecting service to London, she came running back to me and gave me her phone number. I was under heavy manners to give her a call later that night. The rest of the journey was uneventful, all that happened was that a thirty-something dolly bird sat down beside me and jerked me off as I pretended I was asleep. From Liverpool Street I took the central line to Holborn where I changed tube trains. About an hour later, I found myself at the airport.

I checked in and after I’d had a piss, I told a woman cleaning the toilet that she had nice hair. She asked me if I wanted to get it on, and having a thing about women struggling with middle-aged spread, I said ‘yes’. We went into one of the cubicles and I sat on it with my pants around my ankles. The cleaner knelt on the floor and gave me a blow job. Her technique was anything but subtle, she was as rough as an old piece of sandpaper, just the way I like it. After the plating, I rushed through passport control and headed for the duty free. These days they run your boarding card into a computer, so I wasn’t able to bag more than my EC allowance. This was a serious pisser. Since I was travelling Lufthansa I didn’t bother flirting with the hostesses. I just concentrated on getting as many complimentary drinks down my gullet as possible.

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